


Euphemisms

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Children, F/M, Family, Friendship, Holidays, Humor, Post Bartlett Administration, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-21
Updated: 2008-10-21
Packaged: 2019-05-15 18:59:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Donna and the kids visit the Concannon's





	Euphemisms

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul.

 

 

 

 

Feedback and criticism always welcomed.

 

 

 

 

Spoilers through end of series.  


* * *

_November 17, 2014; late afternoon; Santa Monica, CA_

“I’m sorry, let me get that”.

CJ hurried over to move her buggy.

“Concannon’s sixth corollary to Murphy’s Law,” CJ said to herself. “You always park your cart exactly where the person behind you wants to shop.”

Her musings were interrupted by the tones of “A Londonderry Air” coming from her cell. Smiling at the thought of the grayish-red haired man to whom she had assigned the ringtone, CJ brought the phone to her ear.

“Hi, honey. What’s up?”

“Donna called. Is it okay if she and the kids come stay with us for Thanksgiving week? They’d get here next Sunday late.”

“Just Donna and the kids? Something going on there?”

“She also called to say that Margaret’s sister died and that Josh has to take her place at the G-8 conference in San Clemente. Since the Santos’ were planning to spend Thanksgiving with Helen’s folks in Palm Springs, Josh and Donna decided they could take Noah out of school early and come visit,” Danny replied. “I’ve already sent flowers to Margaret.”

“I’ll have to call her later. It’s trite, but at least Angie isn’t suffering anymore. And I’m glad that Angie and Margaret made up over Margaret getting married without Angie there. Also, you know without asking that I’d love to have them and that Joel and Hannah always say ‘The more the merrier’ for Thanksgiving dinner, but we already promised the guest room to Paul and Clara.”

“I am nothing if not efficient, dear wife,” Danny answered. “Paul and Clara will be shuffled off to Jessica. I’ve even thought about sleeping arrangements. We’ll put Noah in with Paddy, of course, and Joannie on a rollaway in the nursery with Caitlin. That leaves Leo and Micah in your office.”

“I’m pretty sure that Joannie will fuss about ‘sleeping with a baby’, Danny. Maybe she should be in with Donna.”

“Or we can put her in with her triplet brothers. It will be interesting to see how Joannie deals with not having her besotted father around,” Danny answered.

“And who are you to talk about besotted fathers? I bet Caitlin is curled up in your lap right now.”

“Well, you’re wrong.” Caitlin was actually curled up against his left thigh; Danny reached down to stroke the bright red curls he had given her with his DNA.

“For once. I wonder why Donna called the house and not my phone?”

“She didn’t say. Maybe she thought you were with Paddy at school.” (Actually, Donna called Danny on **his** cell, incorrectly assuming he was on campus, to make sure that her package with CJ’s birthday present had arrived at Frank and Diana’s.)

_Monday November 24, 2014; 8:15 AM_

“Have a good day at school today. I love you.”

CJ hugged her son and pushed him toward the front door, where Diana waited to take Maggie and Paddy to kindergarten.

Walking back to the kitchen, she poured herself a fresh cup of coffee and held the pot toward Donna, who nodded her head to indicate that yes, she would like a refill.

“Well, that wasn’t too bad,” CJ observed.

At first, Paddy wasn’t too happy about having to go to school today. Mama and Aunt Donna were going to do fun things with Noah, Leo, Micah, and Joannie; it wasn’t fair that he couldn’t go along with them. But Mama pointed out that if he didn’t go to school today, he couldn’t practice for his role as Miles Standish in the Thanksgiving play. And if he couldn’t practice today, he couldn’t be in the play on Tuesday. And Paddy really wanted to be in the play. Mama and Daddy would be coming, along with Aunt Diana, Uncle Frank, and Aunt Donna, not to mention the aforesaid Noah, Leo, Micah, and Joannie. They would be his guests.

So Paddy kissed Mama and Aunt Donna good-bye and went off to school. It was only when Aunt Diana dropped them at the door that Paddy realized he could have asked Aunt Donna to be his “show and tell”. After all, she worked for the President, just like Mama did for Grandpa Jed. (“How come I don’t ‘member that, Mama?” “Paddy, it was before you were born, before Mama and Daddy were married. You were just a twinkle in your Daddy’s eye at the time.) Someday, Paddy would have to ask Steve or Aaron about twinkles.

“So, how much time do you usually have?” Donna asked as she stirred some milk into her cup.

“Caitlin usually sleeps until 9:00 or so. I usually read through the paper, work the Sudoku. Of course, if I’m taking the kids to school or if I have a class mom assignment, I’m out the door.”

“And when Danny’s home?”

CJ’s smile was answer enough.

“You’re lucky,” Donna sighed. “The kids are used to getting up and going to the White House with Josh. Even on weekends and holidays, they’re up by 7:00 of their own accord.”

“So this little sugar trick is not a common occurrence?” CJ asked.

Yesterday, when Danny returned from San Clemente with Donna and the kids in tow about 6:30, CJ had dinner ready. However, Noah and the triplets didn’t each that much. When CJ made the comment that they were probably on East Coast time and might be sleepy, Donna said that she hoped not and that she had purposely given them candy and cakes on the trip across country and in the car ride in order to keep them up later so that they wouldn’t be waking up at 4:00 AM.

“No, I don’t force uppers on my kids, even natural ones,” Donna laughed. “I just wanted them to give me some time alone with you. For that matter, I did the same thing with me, only it was coffee and Mountain Dew ®.”

So the two friends relaxed over their coffee. CJ thanked Donna again for the birthday present (“As soon as I saw that T-shirt covered with goldfish, I had to get it for you.”) Donna said that it wasn’t final, but she was pretty sure that her string-pulling with the D triple C was producing results and that Carol would be able to work three days from home, two days in the office.

“Listen, Donna, why don’t you take advantage of me and take a long bath? I can deal with the kids if they wake up before you’re done.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind dealing with the four of them?”

“No problem. I just have to go over a few things for tomorrow night, when Danny’s students will be coming. Check with the deli about the food, that sort of thing.”

“Well, I’m afraid that a bath would drain me, but maybe tonight?”

Seeing CJ’s nod, Donna continued, “but if you’re absolutely sure you don’t mind, I would like to take a long walk and get some of these kinks out of my body.”

“No problem. And you could do me a favor and take Destiny with you, assuming you don’t mind doing the poop-scoop thing.”

Ten minutes later, armed with plastic bags and a water bottle, Donna and the yellow lab were headed toward the beach and pier area.

_8:45 PM_

“I bet that Joannie’s still moping,” Noah whispered to Paddy. “She was so mad when your daddy gave her a time out for hitting Micah.”

“I don’t understand; she knew she did something bad. Why did she say that Daddy was wrong? With my daddy, when you do something wrong, you tell the truth and accept what he gives you. If you make a fuss, he just makes the timeout longer.”

“Well, Daddy always tells me and Leo and Micah that boys don’t hit girls; and the big boys at Miss Helen’s say that it’s not nice to snitch, so when Joannie hits us, we don’t say anything.”

“So she gets away with it? That’s not fair!” Paddy exclaimed.

“Only if Mommy doesn’t see. And Mommy sees lots of things. But if Mommy isn’t there and Daddy is, Joannie can fool him a lot.”

“Well, she didn’t fool my daddy, especially when he asked what happened and Caitlin said ‘her hit him’. I’m just mad that Mama and Aunt Donna decided that we all needed to go to bed early tonight. Look, we have to be extra careful tomorrow. We don’t want to be sent to bed early and miss out on the party Daddy has for his school. I mean, we won’t be allowed to stay up real late, but we’ll get to meet everyone and eat some party food.”

“Okay. Are you nervous about your play tomorrow?”

“A little. But Mama said for me to just look at her and she’ll smile and make me feel better,” Paddy answered with a yawn. “G’night, Noah.”

“G’night, Paddy.”

_Wednesday, November 26; 10:45 AM_

“Can you show me the flower, pumpkin?” CJ asked Caitlin, who was sitting in her lap.

“Fou-er”. The little redhead pointed to the rose in the book. “Froat hurts.”

“I know it does, baby,” CJ crooned as she kissed her daughter’s forehead. Caitlin was still warm, but not as hot as she was when the little girl woke up Danny and herself this morning. “Let’s go get you something for that.”

The front doorbell sounded just as CJ stood up, so she detoured to the foyer.

Looking through the peephole, she smiled at the sight of Paul’s face on the other side.

“It’s your godfather, Caitlin!”

A few minutes later, the three of them were in the kitchen. Paul was holding Caitlin and crooning to her while CJ squeezed half a lemon into the warm water and honey in a sippy cup. After handing the cup to Paul, she poured two cups of coffee and sat down.

In answer to his question, CJ explained that Danny, Donna, and the kids, including Maggie, were at Griffith Park. CJ was to have gone with them (with Diana taking care of Caitlin), but when the toddler woke up with “head and froat hurts” CJ changed her plans. In turn, Paul told her that Clara was spending most of the day with some of her friends from “her time here with Cosmo” and that he was “going to veg”.

CJ asked Paul about Derrick and Deborah (“Both in their second year of graduate study. Derrick loves Seattle. Deborah enjoys New York, but she also spends some time down in Princeton with Alicia’s father.”) and his work (“I’m going to teach one course at Georgetown next semester”) in DC. Paul asked CJ about her family, especially Randy and Gina, of whom he had fond memories from those years in Berkeley, and Aisling (“my fellow godparent”). When asked, CJ told Paul how much she enjoyed being with the kids, helping out with Paddy’s school, and working on parish council.

“So here I am, almost eight years removed from the White House, almost four years removed from Oslo, taking care of two kids full-time, cooking meals, ironing Danny’s shirts on occasion,” CJ laughed. “Two weeks ago, I even baked a cake from scratch. Don’t you laugh at me, Paul Reeves,” she added as she saw the light in the minister’s eyes. “Even if you find it hard to believe.”

“I’m not laughing at you, sweetheart, I’m just glad that you are happy with the current condition of your life.” He did not tell her that he was smiling because he was remembering the days when he thought of her as making a home with **him** , for **their** children, ironing **his** shirts. Even then, he had known that CJ would go on to grad school, but he had never seen her on the national or international stage.

“And you? You’re happy with the current condition of **your** life?”

Once again, his eyes and his smile answered the question before the words left his mouth.

“I manage.”

“And exactly what is it that you **manage** , as you put it?”

If CJ hoped to make him blush, she would fail, just as she had when she was an undergrad.

“The same thing that you and Danny manage, sweetheart.”

He would always miss Alicia but Clara was wonderful (“I thank God and you every day for her”), he got along wonderfully with her children and loved being a step-grandfather (“and, if only because they say it takes any pressure off them to marry and reproduce, hopefully in that order, Derrick and Deborah love Clara and her family.”) Early next summer (“before hurricane season”), they were thinking about getting everyone from both sides together for a week in a huge 10 bedroom rental on the Outer Banks.

“It’ll be over ten grand, but it would worth it. Ocean front, but also with a private heated pool and a kiddie pool. Wi-Fi, exercise room, three hot tubs, satellite dish, double kitchen, decks, the whole nine yards.”

“Sounds wonderful. I know that we all enjoy our weekend at Cape May with Rick and Ginger.

“Listen, please stay and veg here with me. I’ve got leftover stuff from the party we had for Danny’s classes last night and since we’re contributing the wine for tomorrow, I’m all set for that. I can’t remember the last time I played a really cutthroat game of Scrabble ®.”

“Different rules on challenges, of course.”

They both smiled, remembering that when they played together many years ago, it was “loser removes a piece of clothing”.

_Thanksgiving Day, 2014; 1:45 PM PST; Santa Monica CA; home of Joel and Hannah Feldman_

Paul took a sip of his Bloody Mary and laughed easily.

“I don’t know, do I dare voice the idea that a school other than one from the PAC-10 will win it all this year?”

Hank, Steve, Ken, Danny, Frank, and Paul were on the Feldman’s deck, having been shooed out of the kitchen by Joel and Hannah and having no desire to watch “Miracle on 34th Street” with the rest of the group.

“With Derrick up at law school in Washington, I’d say not,” Hank answered, “but then maybe you’re a braver man than I.”

“I guess I’m still hoping for Notre - ”

Danny stopped in mid-sentence as his cell rang. Glancing at the number, he excused himself to the edge of the deck and took the call.

“It’s across the street at the top of the block. I’ll go outside and wait for you.”

Five minutes later, Josh Lyman knelt in the foyer of the Feldmans’ house, engulfed in the hugs of his four children.

Josh wasn’t sure if he would be able to get away from San Clemente in time to spend Thanksgiving with his family and so only Danny knew that he might be coming. Yes, the conference ended with a late dinner on Wednesday night, but Josh had to hang around until the last of the foreign dignitaries were safely on their way back to their homelands or their next destination.

Standing off to one side, Danny imagined a similar scene, had the twins lived or had he and CJ married at the beginning of the Bartlet administration and produced more children. However, today of all days, Danny admonished himself, he should not (and, truth be told, did not) be jealous of Josh. Today of all days, but also every day, he should be and was eternally grateful to God for CJ and for the son that looked like her and the daughter that mirrored his own visage.

“Joshua.”

“Donnatella.”

Then Danny felt himself to be voyeur, realizing that for the Lyman’s, the use of their formal names was an act of intimacy. He slipped back into the family room, from which he had summoned Donna and her brood, and sat on the floor at CJ’s feet. Her hand reached down to stroke the side of his face and then her fingers played with his hair. The movie had just past the climactic scene where the court bailiffs had dumped all the Santa Claus letters on the judge’s bench.

_3:50 PM_

Dinner was over, except that people were helping themselves to desserts if and when the need for something sweet hit them. The kids were playing video games or sacked out from the meal. Some of the adults were involved in a half-hearted attempt at volleyball while the others were watching the late game. Clara, the Jenkins twins, and Li Wei had a bridge game going.

Donna pulled CJ aside.

“Josh and I are going to slip out for a while, if you don’t mind dealing with whatever comes up with the menagerie.”

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” CJ laughed, causing her friend to blush. “This usually breaks up around 6:00, give or take, depending on the status of the televised sporting event of the moment. Will that be okay or should we take them for ice cream on the pier?”

“CJ, it’s not quite 4:00 and we aren’t teenagers!”

CJ started to retort that it had been three days, but then quickly realized that she was getting in territory that could be, if not dicey, “too much information.” Maybe Josh and Donna didn’t have as active a sex life as the one she shared with Danny. Or maybe, CJ thought ruefully, she and Danny needed four hours for what Josh and Donna could accomplish in two. Not that CJ was complaining, mind you.

_5:10 PM_

“Daddy! I hurt my knee!”

Joannie came running outside, tears in her eyes. She looked around the group of adults on the deck.

“Where’s my daddy? He has to kiss my knee!” Her tears came down more freely.

Danny reached down to the little girl as some of the other children came out on the deck.

“Let me see.” Joannie’s right knee was slightly scraped. “I think it’s just a scratch but I’m sure it hurts, sweetie. Let me kiss it for you. What happened?”

“We were playing tag and Mei-ling was trying to catch me. I tripped. And I want my Daddy!”

Danny kissed the offending knee and dabbed at Joannie’s face with a napkin.

“Your daddy and mommy went back to the house. They needed to take a nap.”

Joannie broke away from Danny and walked toward the edge of the deck.

“Then I want to go back to the house, too! I want to take a nap with Daddy!”

“Joannie, honey,” Paul stopped the little girl, “your mommy wanted you to stay here and have fun.”

“Daddy wants me to be with him.”

Maggie Muñoz walked up to the miniature replica of Donna.

“No, he doesn’t, Joannie. When parents say they’re taking a nap, they aren’t sleeping. It’s a famism.”

“What’s a famism?”

“It’s a code word. Two weeks ago me and Paddy heard Daddy and Uncle Danny talking and when he said something was a famism, we asked what it was. Uncle Danny explained it.”

“Actually,” Danny interjected, “the word is ‘euphemism’, but it **is** kind of like a code word.”

“Anyway, when grownups say they are going to take a nap, they aren’t going to sleep. It means they want to special touch each other,” Manny Hammash continued.

“What’s special touch?”

“It’s like a bad touch, except that you want to be touched like that and the person you want to touch you like that wants to touch you like that,” Mei-ling explained.

“One day, Uncle Frank and Aunt Diana told Maggie and Steve that they were going to take a nap, but when Maggie was playing outside, she heard her daddy make a funny sound, so she looked in the bedroom window. Aunt Diana was tickling and kissing Uncle Frank’s wee-wee,” Paddy offered helpfully. “Maggie was upset and went to tell Carmen that her mommy was giving her daddy a bad touch. Carmen told her that when you’re a grownup, it’s okay to touch like that if you both want to and if you do it in private. Then Maggie told us about it. Carmen also said that it wasn’t nice to look in bedroom windows – oops! – Anyway, when mommies and daddies want to special touch each other during the day, they say they need to take a nap, so that’s what your mommy and daddy are doing. I think Mama and Daddy special touch each other all the time, so if your daddy has been with Mr. Pres-dent since Sunday, they have a lot of special touching to catch up.”

By this time, the older pre-teens were giggling, the teens were blushing, and the adults were trying very hard not to look at each other because none of them wanted to burst out laughing.

Finally, Paul decided that some things needed to be clarified and that, by training, he was the best adult for that task. He asked the little ones and the pre-teens to join him in the family room, telling the older kids that if they “had any questions, I’m here until Saturday.”

The teens drifted away, self-segregating by sex, eager to get away from their parents.

The laughing started with Ken, then spread to Jessica. Sally was the next to give in, followed by Joel. The others joined in.

Finally Diana, her face as red as Frank’s sweater, lifted her face from her husband’s shoulder and faced her neighbors.

“Will we ever live this down?”

“I don’t know, “Aviva laughed, “but I’m glad our room is on the second floor!”

“One thing’s obvious,” Steve said. “For the most part, what one child knows, every child knows. I’m not sure that any of us could keep our own child from sharing with the others, or if we should even try?” He looked around at the others. Pammy, at three, hadn’t been part of the group, but in a year or two would be at least hanging around the fringes of the other kids.

Paul came back to the deck and grabbed a beer from the cooler. Walking over to Clara, he held out his hand, helped her to her feet, took her place in the chair, and pulled her onto his lap.

“I hope I didn’t presume too much by talking to the kids,” the minister told the others.

“Lord, no,” Diana told him. “Somebody had to clear up everything for them and I’m sure that you did a very good job, better than any of us could have done.”

“Actually, there wasn’t that much to ‘clear up’, as you put it. I think that Carmen’s explanation was very age appropriate. Frank, Diana, your daughter is very good at this for a , what, sixteen year-old? ("I'm afraid to think about how much of her knowledge about 'special touches' is theory and how much is experience," Frank said to Danny in an aside.) It explained enough without going into detail that the kids their age don’t really care about, assuming that they haven’t been exposed to graphic images. I just made sure they knew that wanting to be touched intimately and wanting to touch intimately is something reserved for adults, that if anyone tried to touch them intimately it was still a ‘bad touch’, that they knew that it was something private between those adults, and that they should respect their parents’ privacy. I also told them that they should use correct terms for body parts. I hope I haven’t stepped on any toes,” Paul looked around at the others.

“Not mine,” Aviva laughed, “but my grandmother will have a fit when she hears Manny talking about penises and vaginas.”

There were several nods of agreement and comments about reactions from the parents of the adults gathered on the deck. Yan suggested that the parents also talk with their children’s teachers, to make sure that there were no little surprises at school.

“I did tell them that perhaps they should be careful of how they discuss this with their other friends,” Paul replied. He took a breath. "Then one of the kids, and I'll let the parents know later, asked about 'giving yourself a bad touch'. I told the kids that different parents have different rules about 'private touches' and to talk with you about it. For what it's worth, Alicia and I told our kids that it's normal, but it's not something you do in front of others or talk about doing with others. So, if it comes up, be forewarned."

"And if **we** have any questions?" Hank asked. 

"I'm here tomorrow and CJ has my cell and my email.

“So, the older kids?”

“They all hurried out of here, more embarrassed about having sex discussed in front of them and their parents than any of us were,” Pete Dieliczko told him.

“Okay.”

After his discussion with the kids, the youngsters asked him to start the Aladdin DVD. As he was doing so, little Will Rogers came up and asked him in a small voice if “big kids can be bad touched”. When gently pressed, the four year old said that when Cindy last baby-sat him, “her boyfriend kept grabbing at her and wouldn’t stop when she said no.” Paul had only lived on the block for a few months, but he considered himself one of Cindy’s father figures and wanted to talk with the young woman, to make sure that she truly believed that she had the right to say no, the right to expect any man to respect that right, and that she had a good sense of self-esteem. However, he did not want to call attention to the situation, and had to play it very close to the vest. Maybe he would have a chance to talk with her tomorrow. If necessary, he would mention something to Danny if he couldn’t find time between now and Saturday, when they would be heading back to DC.

_Saturday, November 29, 10:15 AM_

CJ, Danny (holding Caitlin), and Paddy continued to wave as the Lyman’s drove off to San Clemente and Air Force One.

As they walked into the house, CJ told Paddy and Uncle Steve and Uncle Hank were going to watch him and his sister for a little bit.

“Daddy and I have to -”

“I know, take a nap,” Paddy smiled.

Danny looked at CJ and decided they needed a new euphemism.

“No, we need to work on our taxes.”


End file.
